I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
