I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
