the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
