There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
