My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
