genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
