SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
