I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
