You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
