ya dads aren't the best wingmen
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
