so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
