he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
