i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
