Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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