I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
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he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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