She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
