A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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