brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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