I think I died a long time ago.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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