saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my being single is dangerous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
