he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Let's paint friendship bongs
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
