Just cropdusted the office
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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