that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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