He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
