The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
