I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
of course. lets lasso hookers.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
