he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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