I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
