I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
