We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
