I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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