Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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