her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Even my vagina gasped.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
