3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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