she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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