It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The Olympian is in my bed
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