does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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