That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
