paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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