I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
