Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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