Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
