Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
