I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize