Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
