Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
