My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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