I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
