home. puking in laundry basket.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
