peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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