Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
