Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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