More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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