I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
