At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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