Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
