Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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