Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
