Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
