I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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