oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
