chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
