marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
