Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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