well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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