I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
