my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
