I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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