Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
