We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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