I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
