why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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