So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
