ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
