one two three fourrrrnication!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
