He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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