A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
