shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
