she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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