Your face is a jimmy john
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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