Too much gin, very little bucket
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
