omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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