so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
