Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
