we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
