this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
