U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
