You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
