I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
